My identity as a feminist is my compass, my true north. But I have found that we can resist and challenge these narratives. We are not exempt from internalizing messages inherent in patriarchy. Instead I find that the desire to establish a male identity and gain social acceptance manifests in ugly ways that mimic cis male misogyny. I seek out other trans men, naively believing they’ll be fierce feminists, too. I pray that testosterone doesn’t make me into a monster. I have a new name and have conquered my fear of needles. If that’s what a man was, I didn’t want that.įive years after coming out as a lesbian, I come out as trans. They stalked and harassed women, publicly and privately, without consequence. Men took what they wanted, when they wanted it. Men were the enemy as far as I was concerned. And hard to reconcile with being a feminist who is intimately aware of how men oppress women. I feel pretty sure I am trans, but the prospect of “becoming a man” is overwhelming. My gender dysphoria ever-increasing, I am self-destructing. At home I am a beloved boy-in public I can’t access bathrooms without conflicts. My androgynous gender presentation makes people uncomfortable.
And I am the jackpot.ĭespite shifting identities, I remain anchored to feminism. She refers to me lovingly as “both.” Not in a bad, othering kind of way-rather, as if it’s sacred. She’s the only one I trust with these secrets. So I packed my bags and started the next leg of the journey. Like relocating cross-country and finally getting your bearings and settling in, and then having to move again. I had lost so much and fought so hard for this. I traversed miles of ocean to get to this shore-the refuge of queer feminism. I called myself a feminist dyke and identified as butch (and had only discovered and claimed these identities at age 21-nearly dying navigating the oceans getting there). I didn’t have the language that I do now. All of this is brand new-could I become a boy after all? Portraits and stories of transgender men. The dedication reads: “To the brave people in these photographs and for the thousands of people who are like them." Have your own perspective to add? Email got this for you," she says, handing me Loren Cameron’s book Body Alchemy.
Read more stories from Ravishly's special Conversation series on men and feminism here.
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